The Battle for the Mind –
How I Got the Victory in Darkness
By Denetra Gary, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
I recently had surgery on May 15th. Up until the day of the surgery I knew I was perfectly led by God. He led me to the surgeon that was the best at this particular procedure. On the big day I was ready and wheeled into the back to prep. The nurse was kind and pleasant and inserted my IV. Afterwards, she explained all the risks associated with the procedure. I suddenly felt a sense of fear but somewhat ignored the thought. I was then wheeled into the surgery room and felt more fear; it was grey, sterile and quiet. I was transferred onto the surgical bed and suddenly felt drowsy as I spoke to the nurse and Anesthesiologist. As I laid down, I looked back to the Anesthesiologist and said, “Did you put something in my IV because I’m feeling very tired?” She said, “I sure did.” Next thing I know, I was awakened in the recovery room.
I was blessed to have a close friend who willingly took me into her home to recover. The first two nights were difficult physically. I vomited for two days and couldn’t hold anything down. One the second day I started taking the antibiotics as prescribed. I felt normal on the first day of dosing. However, on the second day I felt anxious after taking one of the antibiotics. I quickly researched the medication and found out that one of the side effects was anxiety. I immediately called the Doctor and was told to discontinue the medication. I thought, “No big deal I should be fine now once it wears off.” However, I could barely sleep that night. I knew the next night would be better since the medication was halfway out of my system, but unfortunately the second night was worse. I was up the entire night and when I tried to sleep I was immediately jerked out of my sleep. I called the Doctor early the next morning and explained my discomfort. He said, “What do you want me to do? I’m not a sleep specialist.” We spoke and I felt no relief. He basically told me that the medication would ware off and if it didn’t go to the ER or see a sleep specialist. I hung up the phone confused, frustrated and crying. I spent that Sabbath day praying and seeking God, trying to figure out why I couldn’t sleep and now afraid to sleep. During this time I also started to develop a UTI because I stopped taking the antibiotic, so I was in increasing pain, in addition to having just had surgery. I called the Doctor and was prescribed another medication but now I developed a strange fear and anxiety every time I put medication into my mouth. I believed that something would happen to me to make my symptoms worse, something that would be permanent. In the end, I had to take the medication because I was in too much pain.
I spent that night preparing to leave my friends home and travel home the next day. After a few hours of packing and preparing it was now after midnight. I felt that I was getting sleepy so I took some Melatonin and lay down with the hope that I would sleep. Immediately after lying down I felt multiple beings press me down into the bed and when I closed my eyes I saw demons. I felt as if I were being pushed down into a dark tunnel. I was so frightened that I jumped out of the bed and started to panic. I immediately grabbed my phone and tried to call a friend because I needed to talk about what I was experiencing. I was so confused, frightened, shaken up and afraid. I didn’t understand what was happening and felt that I was going crazy. My friend did answer and I was able to speak with her long enough to calm down.
After speaking to my friend and still fearful, I began seeking the Lord as to what I was experiencing. The Lord spoke to me earlier that day and told me that what I was experiencing was from my Father, and then He spoke to me again at that moment and told me it was the anesthesia. I couldn’t make the connection to my Father and the anesthesia. I was so frightened but I knew I needed to cooperate with the Lord to get to the root of what was going on. I felt I lost control of my body. I wasn’t alerted before I was put under anesthesia, the meds were making me feel crazy and the Doctor didn’t care. I felt I went in one-way and came out worse than before. I feared that maybe something was done to hurt me and I had no control. I was paranoid, suspicious and fearful. These were feelings that I’ve never felt before. Finally, I sat with God and began to write. The Lord revealed to me that I came under a demon because I didn’t stay connected to Him during the procedure process. He said I disconnected from Him before I went under. I didn’t pray and seek Him when I became fearful. I didn’t take my connection with Him seriously. Whew! What a revelation!
The Lord then revealed to me that my Fathers disconnection from Him was equivalent to my disconnection from Him during surgery. Our disconnection from Christ can inevitably lead to death (Romans 6:23) and I experienced a type of death. I had to pray through all of my Fathers demons that he didn’t work through before he died. If our parents do not work through their root issues the demons will inevitably be passed down to the third and fourth generations (Numbers 14:18). All of my father’s demons were attacking me at once. When I finished praying I felt relief and thought, “Okay, that’s over.” But shortly after, I was plagued with more anxiety. Though I was no longer paranoid and fearful of taking medication, I now became fearful of getting into the car to drive to the airport. I was nauseous and hot and didn’t think I could ride in the car. I tried to sleep during the drive but was again jerked out of my sleep every time I closed my eyes. I made it to the airport and felt better and prayed more. I realized Jesus was making me into a new person and I needed to detach and return home to finish healing. I thought I would be okay and that I was fine. However, once I got onto the plane and was in the air I experienced a severe panic attack, worse than the night before, one that is hard to explain. I tried to sleep and was jerked out of my sleep again and again. I saw demons when I closed my eyes. They were talking to me and told me I wasn’t going to make it. They were laughing at me and snarling. They told me they had me. They mimicked themselves to look like people I knew and said, “I will help you,” then snarled and laughed loudly. This happened every time I closed my eyes and considering that I hadn’t slept in three nights I was forced to close my eyes frequently. I felt claustrophobic like they were trying to strangle me. I laid my head down on the tray table and repeated Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, until finally the plane landed two hours later.
I begged God to allow someone to pick up the phone because I thought I was losing everything, my mind, my body, my ministry and most importantly Jesus. I had visions of being wheeled out of the airport on a stretcher to the psychiatric ward. I believed I would lose my job, my home and be deemed crazy. I thought Jesus would forsake me all because I disconnected from Him. As soon as I landed on the tarmac I called my close friend and spiritual mentor and she answered the phone! All I could say was, “I’m having a panic attack!” I could barely speak because I was crying uncontrollably! I hung up and then called her immediately after I got off the plane at the gate. I was shaking uncontrollably and could barely speak. She said, “I prayed and it’s the death demon. If there ever was a time that you wanted someone to die this is why you’re being attacked.” I said, “I never wanted my Mother around as a child. I felt I was better off without her and just wanted my Father.” She said, “You need to read your word! There’s power in the word! Read your word until the demons lift, and you calm down. Then you’ll be able to hear God and see light. Once you see the light, pray through the root and cast out the demon in prayer.” This seemed like such a heavy load, especially since I knew I couldn’t effectively pray until I got home that evening.
If I could envision this incident, I felt like I was at the bottom of a deep, dark pit and couldn’t see the light above. All I was able to do was talk to my friend and hear her say, “You need to read your word, just keep reading your word!” All I had in this dark pit was my bible, and I had to climb up the dark pit with the word of God as my ladder, shield and buckler (Psalm 28:7). Eventually, as I read the light began to pierce through.
I sat and read my Bible during the five hour layover. I could feel that the demons were still there but they couldn’t talk to me. Eventually I found out that the next flight was another five hours. I then had another panic attack! I’ve never been afraid to get onto a plane but I now had intense fear. I was shaking all over. I thought the death demon would take the plane down and kill me. I spoke with my Aunt and told her I was getting onto the plane. She heard the fear in my voice and prayed with me. She said, “Read your word,” almost the exact words of my mentor. I got off the phone and said, “Lord, please put me next to some Christians who I can talk to.” Low and behold, I sat next to two Christian women. We prayed together and talked for the first hour. We expressed our faith to one another and it eased my discomfort. I spent the remaining four hours listening to an audio version of Steps to Christ by Ellen G. White. This book flooded my mind with the love of Jesus. Though the demons were there hovering over me, I knew Jesus was close to me. I talked to Him the entire way and said, “Please don’t leave me Jesus. Please don’t leave me.” I felt like I was walking through a demon filled, dark pit hanging onto His feet.
I finally landed! I praised God the entire time in the airport as I took the long, uncomfortable walk to the baggage claim. I was so thankful. Shortly after landing, the Lord told me to talk to my Mother first, then pray through the root. I gave her the biggest hug and cried in her arms when I saw her, mind you I’ve never been affectionate towards my Mother. I knew I needed to apologize to her for all the negativity, hated, death, rebellion and so forth that I caused and thought towards her. We sat down and I explained what happened. She explained that these feelings and thoughts didn’t start with me but that she also had these thoughts and feelings towards her Mother and my Grandmother also felt the same way about my great Grandmother. In addition, we finally acknowledged the disconnection between us that started in the womb.
Now I needed to pray through the death demon and the demon of disconnection that has haunted me and my family for several generations. I was so afraid to pray through the root. I was so shaken up. After several minutes of thanking, praising, confessing and repenting I asked God to forgive me for all the evil thoughts, deeds, negative feelings, emotions, reactions and responses that I had towards my Mother. I asked Him to rewrite His law in my heart and supernaturally give me new patterns of thinking and responding. I asked Him to cleanse, heal and restore my amygdala (the area of my brain that was damaged and led to my negative responses and reactions) and blot out all the negative memories. I asked Him to forgive me for believing the lies about my Mother. I then asked Him to cast all those demons, negative feelings and lies into the abyss for them never to bother me or anyone else again. Finally, I could feel that the generational death demon and demon of disconnection were gone! I couldn’t hear or feel them anymore and I knew they left. My brain was suddenly quiet and I was filled with peace. I knew I was free! My mind was clear and I could focus. The Lord then told me to pray with my Mother. She prayed a powerful prayer through the 91st Psalm. She slept downstairs and I slept in my room. I took medication that night to sleep because I was so shaken up that I couldn’t relax but I knew the demons were gone! My home was peaceful, and I slept for eleven hours!
Jesus used this surgery to heal me physically, mentally and spiritually. I realize more than ever how much of a spiritual battle there is for the mind. “What we do not overcome will overcome us and work out our destruction. SC 32.2” I had only two directions, face it or go crazy, the path of Jesus or the path of satan. There was no neutral ground. Since this demon has been cast out of my mind my life has completely changed. I had trouble focusing and concentrating in the past. Though I’ve been cleansing, getting the victory and overcoming negative roots I still struggled with negativity and my approach towards others was too direct at times. It was hard for me to express compassion, and I often thought negatively first before thinking of God’s love. I also often felt like a zombie around my Mother and at times had trouble staying connected to Jesus throughout the day. In addition, I always found it difficult to study the bible and though I did my daily reading I was easily distracted. I was bound all of my life and didn’t know it.
Now, I just want the love of Jesus in every way! God has completely made me a new creature. I realize that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against heavenly things in high places (Ephesians 6:12). If we disconnect from Christ in any way we’re susceptible to the attack of satan (1 Peter 5:8). We have a hard road to tread until the end when Jesus Christ comes back to get His bride. If you struggle with any negative emotion, thought or feeling (which we all do) know that as long as you cling to Christ He will cling to you. Though it was a dark and gruesome trial, Jesus led me the entire way. He never left me, nor forsook me (Deuteronomy 31:6). He was there by my side the entire time but I had to make the choice to stick close to Him. I had to make the choice to face the evil past, and I was only able to do it with Him by my side. Don’t give up when you’re in a mental battle and experiencing mental anguish. Give your heart to Jesus and cling to Him until you get to the other side. Wrestle with Him like Jacob until He blesses you (Genesis 32:22-32). Stay focused on the word and the demons have to flee. Jesus will heal your mind if you let Him. Just believe and know that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).
Be encouraged and fight the good fight of faith!
"My experience in the judgment cleansing has taught me that I cannot depend on people to fulfill me, things to satisfy me, food to comfort me, medication to relieve me or a job to secure me for ultimate contentment and joy. Only God truly provides. God is taking all my buffers! Amen!"
Denetra Gary, LCSW
"God does not employ compulsory measures; love is the agent which He uses to expel sin from the heart. By it He changes pride into humility, and enmity and unbelief into love and faith." MB pg 76